The Ten Types of Guys You’ll Meet at the Bar in Shreveport-Bossier
It doesn't matter where you go in Shreveport-Bossier, if it's a bar, you will run into all of these guys.
I've been DJing nightclubs and bars in the Ark-La-Tex for nearly a decade, and I have no doubt that this list is 100% accurate. Whether you're two-stepping at Big Country, Dancing inside The Vault, or playing beer pong at the Sand Bar, these dudes will be in the house.
Here's my list of the ten types of guys you'll meet at the bar in Shreveport-Bossier!
Naturally, with Barksdale Air Force Base here in town, you can always find a good ol' Air Force Bro hanging out at the bar. These guys usually come out in packs so if you run into them, buy them a cold one and thank them for their service. How do you find them? Believe me, if they're Air Force, they'll tell you.
If this guy could go out shirtless every weekend, he would do it. I'm not sure what he loves more, the water he keeps ordering from the bar or the reflection in the mirror when he's washing his hands. Most of the time though, this guy isn't trying to start any trouble. He's not a fighter, but his super tight choker necklace is fighting to stay around his neck. This guy is a lone-wolf, so don't expect any other swole bros in his crew. If you're interested in this bro, compliment his arms once and you won't buy a drink the rest of the night.
There used to be a lot more of these guys around town, but believe me, they are still here. These oil field workers are all about a good time. They don't care what music is playing or what bar they're at, they just want an ice cold Bud Light and a pretty girl to talk to. And by "talk to" I mean immediately tell them they work in the oil field.
Finally, we've came across a bro I really don't like. This guy goes out quite often, and he goes out for only one reason. No, not to meet a nice lady. No, not to dance and have a good time. No, not to drink a cold brew and relax. This bro goes out and the second he enters a bar, he instantly becomes Conor McGregor. The only difference is this guy usually loses the fight then post a 1-star review on the bar's Facebook page because security kicked him out.
I actually like this bro, as he is probably the most amusing individual on this list. True story, I ran into this guy once at Phoenix Underground who was trying to convince me that he was Jay Whatley (not that that would mean much, but I still get a good laugh out of that). This guy, for whatever reason, thinks the world belongs to him. He shouldn't have to pay for drinks, he damn sure shouldn't have to pay a cover charge, and if a security guard asks him to turn his hat around, you better believe the bro is about to ask him that cringy question. This is the bro with 5,000 friends on Facebook and four friends in real life.
Ah yes, this bro is a true treasure. If you enjoy people-watching in bars, find this guy and never look away. You'll find him easily, usually he's wearing Under Armour wristbands and sweating so bad the bar-back has to mop the dance floor every time he leaves to go change shirts. He's strictly about the music, you won't find this bro talking with a pretty girl or buying a drink, instead, he's attempting to spin on his head on the crowded dance floor.
This bro may be my personal favorite. He don't dance and he don't fight. He pays his cover charge, walks to the bar, orders a Corona, and posts up. He'll find a cozy stool to sit on, or a solid wall to lean on, and you'll find him there for hours. He's a nice guy, and a professional head-nodder. He's a ladies man too, but don't expect to drag him out on the dance floor. He probably prays for the day where he can let loose and become the dancing bro, but it ain't happening anytime soon.
By the time you run into this bro, he should have left the bar two hours before then. He is plastered and has no plans on calling it a night until his card finally gets declined. Usually he's chasing some girl that kind of made eye-contact with him several hours before when he was still sober. He's searching every inch of that bar for this girl, and telling his friends he's in love. Sadly, things don't end well for the drunk bro. By the time he wakes up the next day, he'll have no recollection of the girl, a huge hangover, and an even bigger bar tab to cry about.
This bro has no shame. Usually he rolls with his frat bros and they come out in accidentally matching outfits. This is a pack of dudes that love to party, they'll dance, drink, chill, and fight... All in the same night. They are a complete mixture of most of the guys on this list. Security guards hate them because they are relatively hard to contain, but the bartenders love them because daddy's card never declines. If you're looking for a truly unpredictable night, get in with this group, although you will most likely regret that decision within minutes.
I have absolutely no problem with this bro. Yes, he's still a bro because he still acts like a bro. Age is just a number and this old-timer is out for a good time. Everyone knows these old bros too, they're practically celebrities. Old Man Johnny, who spends every weekend dancing with a cane and taking selfies with fans, and of course Disco Dale, who has been out every weekend since he was a young Dancing Bro. Please don't confuse these guys with the feared "Old Creepy Bro", the Old Bro is there for a good time with no bad intentions, the Old Creepy Bro is downright frightening and probably wanted for murder. You'll be able to tell the difference, trust me.