We the jury find these strippers guilty of dancing to ‘Dr. Feelgood’ one too many times and killing a dude. Both are punishable by the permanent removal of all body glitter.

According to a report made by the El Paso County sheriff’s office, 67-year-old Robert Gene White was last seen alive getting a lap dance from some dancers (big spender!) at the Red Parrot strip club. The manager of the club told police that when it came time for White to pay the dancers he was unresponsive. That trick works?!?

The same report states that employees tried to perform CPR on White, and when that didn’t work, they called emergency responders. He was then transported to a local hospital where it appears he died of natural causes. That was the name of one of the strippers — Natural Causes.

In honor of our fallen brother, we are asking strippers everywhere to dance at half mast on the poll for the rest of the week.

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