I have spent countless hours over the past nine years in nightclubs and bars. I certainly love the nightlife in the SBC, and no media member spends more time being a part of it than I do. I'll admit I've only spent my time in the DJ booth, and never behind the bar, but I know quite a bit of bartenders and they share some pretty hilarious stories regularly.

Let me also say that I believe a bartender is one of the most under-appreciated workers in our society. These brave souls take on the task of pleasing everyone, some more hard to please than others, and they have to do it quickly. All for a chance to make some decent money when the lights finally come on.

Using their stories and seeing some of these girls for myself every weekend, I've put together a list of the types of girls a bartender will encounter in Shreveport.

We're sure every lady reading has been at least one of these girls once or twice, and that's OK, just make sure you leave a nice tip next time.



  • 1

    The "I Know the Owner" Girl

    Any bartender that's ever worked for Tim Huck knows this girl all too well. Sadly, this girl appears everywhere and she'll be quick to pull up the owner on her Facebook's friend list in order to possibly get a free drink. Chances are she will not get that drink, and she will be very angry when she pays for her Vodka and Red Bull.

  • 2

    The "Can You Charge My Phone" Girl

    DJ's, security guards, and bartenders will encounter this forgetful lady on a nightly basis. She forgot to charge her phone before she left for the night out, and that problem is now added to the long list of the bartender's responsibilities. Girls, I understand that you HAVE to send snapchats to your loyal followers while you're shake your groove thing, but the bartender is busy making drinks, and chargers are not on the menu.

  • 3

    The "I Used to be a Bartender" Girl

    Ah yes, this girl used to work in a bar and she wants every bartender to know it. She'll quickly point out her past to the first bartender in hopes she might receive special treatment, sadly she will not. That won't deter this girl, though, she's persistent. She'll quickly move to the nearest bartender and give the same speech, hoping to find a working bartender who praises all other bartenders and rains down free drinks to those who have also walked the walk.

  • 4

    The "Orders Ridiculous Drink" Girl

    This girl once went to a dive bar in Dallas and found a hippy bartender who mustered up a fine drink called "The Pitbull on Crack". She fell in love with that silly drink, and now orders it at all the bars in the Ark-La-Tex. When she struts to the bar, winks at the bartender, and asks for a "Pitbull on Crack", the bartender will politely ask her to explain what the hell that is. Instead of trying to describe the drink, she will become angry and disappointed that not every bartender in the world knows what a "Pitbull on Crack" is. Her night will probably end with a long, drunken Facebook post bashing Shreveport and their bartenders.

  • 5

    The "Too Drunk to Speak" Girl

    This lovely lady just had the night of her life, but her night is coming to a quick end. She doesn't know that yet, however, and she'll stumble to the bar in hopes to receive that one last shot. In her mind, she says, "Vegas Bomb, please!" But all the bartender can hear is, "VeELAYgesk Boome, PWeesy!" Sadly, that drunken sentence may be the last thing she utters before passing out and waking up at 6:00 PM the next day, wondering what planet she's on.

  • 6

    The "Eat Out of the Fruit Tray" Girl

    This girl aggravates bartenders as much as any girl. At the bar, it's a cardinal sin to stick your fingers into the fruit tray at the bar. Still, this girl sees it as her own personal fruit buffet. She'll reach into the that tray and it will take every ounce of human restraint for the bartender to not slice a finger off with the knife they used to cut the limes. Next time you're feeling fruity, remember this line... If you want to eat fruit in the bar, bring in a cherry jar.

  • 7

    The "Tell the DJ to Play My Song" Girl

    For whatever reason, this girl refuses to actually talk with the DJ. Instead, she believes the bartender has plenty of time and would be more than willing to contact the DJ and forward a message from her customer friend. If the bartender actually comes to the DJ booth to deliver the message, they'll say one out of two things.

    1. "Hey, she wants to hear a song but she's rude so just act like I'm telling you the song and nod your head like you"ll play it."

    2. "Hey, my really good friend is at the bar and she wants to hear 'Everybody' by the Backstreet Boys, can you pkay it?"

    The answer to the second will always be yes, because every DJ knows to not piss the bartender off.

  • 8

    The "Do Whatever it Takes to get the Bartender's Attention" Girl

    This girl absolutely does not care what the nearest bartender is doing. She has much better things to be doing instead of waiting more that 15 seconds for a drink. Currently, the bartender is taking orders from three different people at the other end of the bar, but doesn't the bartender know how important this girl is? She will show her importance the only way she knows how. By throwing straws, slapping the bar, snapping her fingers, and of course, the always obnoxious whistle. This will only anger our bartender, who will certainly hear and see her efforts, but will find anything and everything to do before taking this girl's order.

  • 9

    The "Dance on the Bar" Girl

    I'll never understand the connection with a bar counter and a drunk girl. These two will always find their way to each other, no matter the club or bar. In her mind, she's the newest star of Coyote Ugly, and the rest of the patrons in the bar are totally digging it. In reality, she looks like a baby deer trying to find it's footing while the rest of the bar, aims their iPhones in her direction with hopes of being featured on the next Worldstar video. The bartender will not have any of this, and will either destroy her dream quickly or call security over to handle the job by any means necessary.

  • 10

    The "How Dare You Ask for My I.D." Girl

    Yes, all bartenders are currently cringing at the thought of this girl. She turned 22 over a month ago, and if the bartender dares ask for her I.D., she'll throw a fit like that bar has never seen. Girls, understand that unless you look close to 75 years old, there's a good chance you'll have to show your I.D. in order to get a drink. If this girl understood the risk every bartender takes by potentially and/or accidentally serving a drink to a minor, I'm sure she'd be happy to take five seconds to pull out her license.

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