Adulthood Isn’t What We Expected And That’s Okay

When I was in my twenties, I had this fantasy that turning 30 would unlock a magical new version of myself — someone who drinks enough water, files her taxes early, and somehow knows how to fold fitted sheets.

Spoiler: I'm now 36, and it never happened. Not by a long shot.

Honestly, turning thirty just made me more aware of my nonsense, and maybe even a little more comfortable with it. Here are a few things I swore I’d quit doing once I hit the “mature adult” milestone, but, yeah — that didn’t happen.

1. Saying “I’ll just rest my eyes” and waking up three hours later.

At this point, I might have a degree in unintentional napping. My couch has seen things. Sometimes, I wake up and freak out thinking I've slept straight through that next day of work. Whoops.

2. Letting my laundry turn into a textile mountain.

I wear clean clothes, I promise, but I wait until there are literally no other options before I wash anything at all. Oh, and hanging stuff up? Not happening. I will die on this hill. Wrinkle release spray is my best friend.

3. Pretending I’m good with money, knowing I have $13 in my bank account.

Financial discipline? Never heard of her. But did you see the glorious $8 bottle of apple juice at Sprouts? I sure did, and it definitely went home with me.

4. Saying “I’ll just have one drink.”

Why do I lie to myself? If I start, there is no stopping. I literally have a morning show on the radio, and I've stumbled into work at 4:30 am on less than an hour of sleep after a night of endless bad karaoke and Whataburger far too many times to count.

5. Ignoring the oil change light like it’s a personal attack.

I have successfully killed two vehicles. Thank god I skipped children.

Read More: What Are Lubbock's Most Passionate Local Debates?

It’s never “mild dehydration.” It’s always “17th-century plague.” I'm infected. You're infected. We're all infected. Are we going to the doctor? No. We've got pizza to order. I'll opt for play over co-pay any day.

7. Buying planners I’ll only use for one week.

Every January, I start a new “organized era.” By February, it’s a drink coaster. I even purchased a MASSIVE calendar that spanned nearly my entire dining room wall in 2023. Wrote 4 things on it, walked away, never returned. (It's actually still there. More of a decoration now.)

8. Thinking I can stay out late and still be fine the next day.

One margarita past 10 p.m. and I need two days of PTO and a pile of excuses for why I won't be attending family functions. "My cat has a doctor's appointment." only works so many times.

9. Saying “I’ll start Monday.”

Monday’s just out here collecting all my broken promises like infinity stones. Monday sucks. Why the hell would I tell anyone I'm going to get to something on MONDAY!? Also, you're all dumb for believing me.

10. Assuming I’ll magically start liking cardio.

Still waiting for that runner’s high everyone talks about. So far, it’s just wheezing and regret. I hop on the treadmill 2 or 3 times a year to flirt with death (and the guy at Planet Fitness with tight red shorts).

Don't Sweat It, Guys

Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, I really say all of this to remind you that if you're feeling a little behind in life, or a little less adult than you thought you'd be by now, it's okay.

Remember, it's all really just a facade. Everyone is living life for the first time. Some of us are more nitpicky than others about the things that make us a "grown-up".

You don't have to be like your folks. You don't have to compete with your friends. You don't have to do anything but make sure you set the alarm clock and take care of the bare essentials.

Life is hard. Don't make things harder on yourself than they have to be. Eat ice cream. Blow your money. Smile as much as you can. You got this.

Keep scrolling for more tips and quips in the galleries below...